I can remember years ago, holding my friends’ babies and thinking, “This has got to be the greatest joy of all”.  I would cuddle them and snuggle them; the smell was overwhelming…it intoxicated me.  I thought that I would make a great father one day.  As it turns out, I AM a great father, but not in the way I thought I would be.  I think alot of people go into parenting with the mindset that it’s going to be a hard job but not REALLY understanding how hard it is.

I’ve been divorced for about 2 years now.  I have primary custody of my two girls; it’s still joint custody, but it just means I make the decisions and have legal rights for their welfare.  The custoday is split about 65/35 (me/her).  As such, I’ve had to spend a considerable amount of time with my girls doing things that maybe most dads would not.  That doesn’t make me any better than them, but it’s put alot of things in perspective for me.  My life revolves around my girls…I don’t get to do alot of extracurricular things without well prepped setup long before the event.

The reason I bring all this up is because on Friday, my youngest had to have surgery to have tubes put in both ears again.  It’s a mildly invasive surgery but to a 3 year old, it’s the scariest thing in the world.  My ex-wife was there as well.  Of course we both want to be there for our child, but quietly in the back of our minds we’re hoping she picks me.

When the surgery was done, we both went into the recovery room.  She woke up kind of cranky of course and immediately wanted to be held.  My ex went to reach for her and Dylen said “No, I want Daddy!”.  I immediately picked her up and cuddled her, but in my head I was revelling with a quite victory.  Please don’t misunderstand my statements…I want my girls to be close to their mother and I encourage them to be so, but I think every parent always hopes that they’ll be the favorite….that’s not a mean comment, it’s just natural.  My point in all of this is that in a split second, I realized that I was doing something right.  I realized that through all of the sacrifice, through all of the long drawn out nights of sick children, through all the missed opportunities to be social….I realized that I wouldn’t trade my girls for all the money in the world because they are my world…they are my everything.  As hard as it is sometimes…it’s worth it.  Does that make sense?