About a year ago, some of you may remember that I spoke of insurmountable pain that came with being divorced from a woman that was my everything for 11 years. It’s been 3.5 years since that divorce and I’m a much different person now. I look at things differently, I respond more maturely and prioritize based on the 2 things in my life that I would never give up on…my children.
At the time of talking about this phase of my life, I suggested (out loud to everyone) that I would write a biography, or a memoir of sorts, capturing the essence of my failed marriage, the love story it once was, and the horror it eventually became. I began working on it and to date, have about 10,000 words of copy. That may not seem like much but the truth is, I’ve only gotten through about 5 years with that. I wondered how I would post this. It’s not as if it’s just a quick couple of paragraphs with a lead-in photo; I would have to devise a plan around publishing this emotional piece.
After much thought and long sleepless nights, I have (I’m sorry to say) decided to not publish this. Within the hallowed halls of these bits & bytes scattered across the platters, are the very words and events that shred my life to tiny specks of worthless value…the lifeless remains of a man once empowered in the prime of his life only to be brought down by one woman. Suffice to say, that no one person should have so much emotional and mental stock in another person. This person becomes the single point of failure, for the other. Similar to how Christians will put all of their faith into one church or one pastor; when that church crumbles or the pastor leaves, so does their faith.
I drew the line in the sand on this one. This, is the Watergate of my life. To expose the secrets and the lies now would be almost certain suicide for the relationship I have with my children. One day, when they are wise beyond their years, and are parenting the love of their lives, and if they ask, I will share and be honest with them. I will not be dramatic about it. I will not embellish. I will not give them skewed perception. I will however share with them the truth about how their lives began with the touch of a woman on a cool rainy night, standing on the dock of the lake.
I am a new man these days. Maybe not wholly unified with my spirit, but a work in progress. My opinions on love and relationships are different now. I’ve grown and developed; I’ve learned and failed. I have freedom to be who I want to be.
As the beams of solar rays touch my face this morning, I know, without a doubt, that I have value in this life. I am a Dad. I am a man. I have heart. I am Dave.