At the time of talking about this phase of my life, I suggested (out loud to everyone) that I would write a biography, or a memoir of sorts, capturing the essence of my failed marriage, the love story it once was, and the horror it eventually became.  I began working on it and to date, have about 10,000 words of copy.  That may not seem like much but the truth is, I’ve only gotten through about 5 years with that.  I wondered how I would post this. It’s not as if it’s just a quick couple of paragraphs with a lead-in photo; I would have to devise a plan around publishing this emotional piece.

After much thought and long sleepless nights, I have (I’m sorry to say) decided to not publish this. Within the hallowed halls of these bits & bytes scattered across the platters, are the very words and events that shred my life to tiny specks of worthless value…the lifeless remains of a man once empowered in the prime of his life only to be brought down by one woman. Suffice to say, that no one person should have so much emotional and mental stock in another person. This person becomes the single point of failure, for the other. Similar to how Christians will put all of their faith into one church or one pastor; when that church crumbles or the pastor leaves, so does their faith.

I drew the line in the sand on this one. This, is the Watergate of my life. To expose the secrets and the lies now would be almost certain suicide for the relationship I have with my children. One day, when they are wise beyond their years, and are parenting the love of their lives, and if they ask, I will share and be honest with them. I will not be dramatic about it. I will not embellish. I will not give them skewed perception. I will however share with them the truth about how their lives began with the touch of a woman on a cool rainy night, standing on the dock of the lake.

I am a new man these days. Maybe not wholly unified with my spirit, but a work in progress. My opinions on love and relationships are different now. I’ve grown and developed; I’ve learned and failed. I have freedom to be who I want to be.

As the beams of solar rays touch my face this morning, I know, without a doubt, that I have value in this life. I am a Dad. I am a man. I have heart. I am Dave.

I sit on Twitter and Facebook all day long…literally…and I consider myself a fairly aggressive Tweeter.  The advantage to Twitter though is that it’s in quick burst…140 characters of quick and easy goodness; no time to think about it, you just write it.

I’m sure I’m too late to make a New Years resolution, but maybe a 2nd quarter resolution…to give more attention to blogging and videos.

So keep me on the straight and narrow people.  If you don’t see new content in a week’s time, then hammer me…bug me…don’t give up on me.

I’m sitting at work this morning and I received a call on my cell phone from an “Unknown” caller…so I ignore it because I generally don’t answer those.  About 3 minutes go by and then I get a call from my ex-wife.  She proceeds to ask me why my oldest daughter is not in school and my heart dropped.  I quickly responded letting her know that I dropped her off promptly at 7:45am and why was she asking.  The school had called her (they called me first but the number was unknown…odd) and wanted to know if our daughter was out sick today.

Ooohh, my blood was boiling at this point.  I hung up the phone and with fury in my eyes, called the school back.  I spoke with the secretary and was very urgent in my words.  I told her I needed her to go to my daughters room now and check.  She came back about 30 seconds later and said “Yep, she’s here.  We must have made a mistake on the attendance sheet.”  Those 30 seconds felt like hours!  It took me all of about 2 nano-seconds to respond with, “You’re sorry??  You’re sorry for giving me a heart attack because you “lost” my daughter!!??”  I was trying to be as composed as possible and chose my words carefully but I ended with, “In the future, you need to make sure your facts are straight before you go calling parents and making them crap their pants”.

At this point, I will be researching the costs of microchipping my children so that there is never any question about their whereabouts.  I will be writing a very long letter to the Superintendent expressing my very angry concern over this matter.  What you don’t know is that this is the SECOND time this has happened.  I was able to brush the first time under the rug, but a second time of losing my child is NOT acceptable.

“There will be blood tonight!!”

You’re probably scratching your head now aren’t you.  This morning, thanks to @shannonpaul, I read an interesting blurb on IMDB about another industry asking for bailout money…porn.  Yes, porn, as in “Debbie Does Dallas”, Hustler or Girls Gone Wild.  This article gives insight into some porn leaders like Larry Flynt and Joe Francis doing their part to seek $5 billion to rejuvenate the dwindling porn markets.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!??  Let me tie the two paragraphs together now.  When I was a kid and even moreso as an adult, my parents have taught me, if nothing else, one thing…when times are tough, you buckle down the hatches.  What does that mean for all my big baller friends?  Probably nothing…but for all you normal Main Street folk that live on a budget, this means that when gas prices are up, unemployment is iminent, crime is rampant, and your annual bonus was cut, you cut costs where ever you can.

There are a few things that most of us need in order to get by: food, shelter, clothes, transportation, and maybe communication.  I’m not gonna lie to you, things are tough for me at the moment…I’m no different than the rest of middle America.  About 6 months ago, I turned off my Charter cable and internet services.  I was paying almost $115/month for those services.  I switched my internet over to AT&T DSL for $19.99/month; see the difference?  I get basic channels now, and I’m fine with it.  My kids don’t necessarily like it, but they’ll appreciate the lesson later in life.  I used to shop at big-name grocery stores; now I stick almost exclusively to Aldi’s.  I can feed a family of 3 for a month with about $150 as opposed to the $400 that it used to be.  The food is not always name brand, but it’s food and it’s not moldy.  I traded my mini-van in last year for a more economical car…the Nissan Versa (yes…hence Versa Dave).  My fuel expenses were cut in half!  When times are hard, you make changes!

The long and short of it is this: albeit there are industries that genuinly need our government’s help.  I don’t necessarily agree with it, but because these inclusive markets have such a large demand or play such a massive role in this nation’s economy, it is important that we stabalize them so that the domino effect does not occur.  The porn industry is NOT one of those markets…you want your jollies…go get a Victoria’s Secret catalog.  Porn is on that little checklist of things you can live without when times are hard.

Larry and Joe…you want a handout, go stand on the corner in Manhattan…otherwise go home.